One way of thinking about aliens is that they are a deliberately distorted reflection of who we are. Think of them as humans, viewed in a fun-house mirror.
As you read various authors' portrayals of aliens (you're still reading plenty of stories, right—lots of different kinds of SF and fantasy?), you'll see an enormous amount of variation. Some authors make their aliens more alien, and some make them less so. It all depends on what they're trying to do in the story. Are they trying to explore the truly alien for its own sake (or to examine the possible effects on humans of encounter with the alien)? Or are they using aliens as interesting stand-ins for human characters? Or are they using them for humorous effect?
For that matter, are they portraying future humans so altered by technology and genetic manipulation that their humans are effectively alien?
These are questions to consider when you write aliens into your own stories.